i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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