my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
