Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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