D3 body, D1 cock
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
