do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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