I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
