When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
