Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
