we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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