Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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