Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
