You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
