I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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