the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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