So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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