I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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