just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
