we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
