dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
