I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
