How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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