Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
