everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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