I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
