Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i've created a new STD.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
