I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
