watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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