We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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