Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
