Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
