You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
