so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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