If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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