Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
MIDGETS
????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
