Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
