I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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