apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
