I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen