Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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