You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?