you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!