He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
