Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.