Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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