finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
