john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
