well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
