laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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