I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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