Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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