I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
