would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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