If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
