The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
