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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.

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• (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.

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• (925): View more from California

  She still cant shoot whiskey?

  (925): View more from California

  Im having serious doubts about this relationship

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.

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