i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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