Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i will never coherently bang her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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