And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
