So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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