She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
