if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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