I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
