Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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