So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
