I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
