i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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