God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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