Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
