My friends, they love my intelligence
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
