It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
