I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it because I queefed?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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