Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
