god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
