OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
