Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
