Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
