take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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