It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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