paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
