I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
