Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
